I realize it's become quite a cliche but...long time no see. I've found that as much as I enjoy the idea of blogging consistently, I often feel like my day to day thoughts aren't worthy of public exposure. Not that I don't have confidence in my voice, but that I hardly have a clear desire and inclination to write down my thoughts as I do today. I have definitely grown as a person since my last post. I was in an inconclusive place at the beginning of the summer (not that I'm not now). I honestly feel like I'm beginning to understand what people mean when they say that college requires a lot of growth. I am often reminded of the unhappy place I was in at this time last year. In the fall of last year I was extremely unsure about my college choice, my friendships (or lack there of), my relationships, and my goals. I often desired isolation outwardly, though what I truly desired was meaningful relationships that I did not have at the time. I remember telling a close friend of mine that I felt like I didn't fit. I felt like my friendships were forged by circumstance and surface commonalities. Not to say that meaningful relationships can't be forged in that manner, but I just felt like I couldn't be myself. I remember he told me that I would find my people. Well he was definitely one of my people, but since then I have definitely found people that I will be close with for a long time. I found easy relationships built on genuine intentions. Sometimes I'll sit and think about the headspace that I am in now in comparison to last fall and become emotional. I thank God for what he has done in my life and even just to my disposition. I prayed for the good part of the last year that God would put meaningful relationships in my life. I have found recently that relying on God instead of myself has changed my life tremendously. Though there is still plenty of room for improvement in every aspect of my life. I feel a freedom of not having to live up to what other people think I should do or be. I am naturally very confident in my individuality, but last year I definitely questioned it. Now I embrace me and what I can and cannot offer. I am so grateful for the learning experiences I have had thus far. I feel comfortable in the relationships I have and those that I don't (though I still pray everyday that my relationships are meaningful and that I can be meaningful in someone else's life.) All of this is to say that I feel content.
....In other news recently I have been listening to a few different songs nonstop. The first by Hillsong United, a christian band. It's called Forever Reigns. There is so much power in the words of this song. Another song I literally can't get enough of is by Beyonce (duh). It's called Pretty Hurts and its da bomb. (My friends are so tired of hearing me sing/listen to it lolz)
P.S. I still plan on putting more fashion, food and photography on this blog I promise!!!
Wow...I haven't touched this blog in a looong time. It feels good to have enough free time to even think about writing. I'm currently rejoicing in the amount of free time I have by sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing. Needless to say my semester was hectic, I was extremely busy with a lot of school and a lot of personal business. I kind of feel like I'm a different person from my last post. Even thinking about the amount of stress I was constantly under in the past few month makes me cringe. But, all of that is in the past and I'm excited to get the summer started. Is it bad that at the start of the summer I'm already thinking about the end of the summer and how I don't want to go back to school. I often struggle with living in the moment, but hopefully I can start to work on that. Another thing I realized this past semester is that I'm a really anxious person and I have been trying to work on it. I also over-think everything. I would venture to say that I think more than I act. One thing I value about the last few months is that I literally had no time to think and I was forced to just go and do things whether I was completely comfortable in the situation or not. Something that helps to reduce my anxiety is physical activity. Before college I played sports ALL the time. I'm talking like at least 5 days a week. If I wasn't at an organized sports practice, I was doing zumba, weights, running or swimming. Working out relaxes me. At one point this semester when I was so anxious and stressed to the point of tears, I called my mom for advice. She gave me some advice and then told me I should probably do some physical activity because she knows how it calms me. It may have even been just that I had a scheduled routine of times in the day where I could block everything out of my mind except the activity in which I was participating. With that being said, I am going to be working out this summer a lot more than in the past academic year. The past year has also been very emotional and I am not good with emotions. I'm not good at my own emotion and I am definitely not good at handling other people's emotions. I tend to keep things to myself and let things build up inside. And since I'm putting all of my faults out there I am also extremely indecisive. It may stem from my need to please everyone and anyone. I used to struggle with being liked and being known (like any middle and high schooler does) and I don't anymore, but I guess there may be residual that is reflected in my indecisive nature. I don't really know where exactly I went with this post, but now I guess I'll actually talk about summer.
My summer plans didn't work out how I hoped, but nevertheless summer is here and I will embrace it. Aside from any organized things, this summer I want to go with the flow. I want/need to be spontaneous. To be honest spontaneity kind of scares me. I don't like surprises. I mean even things that are seemingly spontaneous, I plan. I'm also going to work out this includes spinning, kick boxing, rowing, barre class, weight training, and mucho mas. (I'll also be practicing Spanish to be prepared for my fall course after a semester without Spanish!) Fingers crossed I will be vacationing in exotic locales which have not yet been solidified, but I'll keep you updated. Lastly I want to write and read a lot more. I have a pretty hefty list of books to conquer. My english professor, who I respect and am currently completely annoyed with, told our class that readers are the best writers and I agree.
Finally I will leave you all with a completely unrelated quote that I actually got from a good friend. I tried very hard to live by this semester.
"Spend so much time improving yourself that you never have time to judge others."
Speaking of unrelated things this song was my personal anthem of choice this semester. (and it's not Coldplay or Vampire Weekend so claps for me!)
